After I put the kids to bed last night I came downstairs ashamed and upset. It had been a long day, and C had really tested my patience at a birthday party I took him to. He didn't want to be there, so he was grouchy and pouty. Me, being one that can "put on a happy" face at any point, and wouldn't dream of being grumpy in front of others--especially at a birthday party--found myself a little disgruntled with him (okay, maybe I need help! ;). I often find myself not quite knowing how to handle this five year old little man. He has many, many anxieties, and we deal with him living in fear quite a bit. He doesn't do too well in new situations, and I feel as if I've been coaxing him along for the past month, as we started another year of pre-school, activites, Sunday School, the childcare center where I work out, etc., etc.
So, after bringing him home from the birthday party yesterday, and then dealing with an evening of wild children who weren't listening so well, I had about had it. Daddy went to take a shower and I gave the kiddos a bath. Somehow, this always seems to turn into the craziest part of the day. Instead of calming them down and relaxing them, bathtime often turns into a crazy splash fest and winds them up quite nicely...ugh! So, by the time I got them out, and they were listening about as well as earthworms underground...I was D.O.N.E....l.and I acted as such. I might have yelled, and I might have shown my frustrations in a not so calm and understanding way. And then, I felt bad...really bad. My darling husband reasurringly told me that I'm a great mother and that the kids had just really pushed boundaries today....which was helpful, but I still know that I had done wrong by my children, and was very disappointed in myself.
It was so wonderful to read Britton's blog, last night,
http://brittonsappletree.blogspot.com/. She always speaks with such wisdom and love. I realized that I often don't stop to do what I should be doing all day long. Praying about each and every hurdle that I come across, and ask Jesus to help me handle each situation. Thank you, Britton...I sooo needed your blog last night! ;) I needed to be humbled, and realize again that it's not all about me. Yes, I might be frustrated, yes I might feel like my kids have gotten the best of me, but that still doesn't excuse me from being the mother that the Lord has called me to be. We all make mistakes, of course, but the important thing is to ask for forgiveness, and begin a new day!
When I awoke around 5am this moring to a sweet five year old kiss, with a big old, arms around your neck hug (did I mention we're also dealing with C not wanting to stay in his own bed because of bad dreams), and an "I love you, Mommy....let's go back to sleep now"...it was such a moment of reassurance. We all woke up a couple of hours later and I told the kids that mommy was sorry for yelling and getting frustrated last night, and asked for forgiveness (while also making sure to get in a short diddy about the importance of listening to mommy and daddy..the first time). I also vowed to begin my day with devotions and prayer. I have been failing to do this lately, and it shows!
I opened my "One Year Mini Bible for Moms" to September 20th...only to find this devotion:
New Attitudes
Now your attitudes and thoughts must all be constantly changing for the better. Yes, you must be a new and different person, holy and good. Clothe yourself with this new nature. Ephesians 4:23-24
May God....help you live in complete harmony with each other, as is fitting for followers of Christ Jesus. Romans 15:5
Devotion:
Throughout the Bible are references to taking off one garment and putting on a new, clean one. God has given us a new wardrobe, but it's possible for a believer--a new person in Christ--to revert to wearing the dirty clothing of the old person. On days when I am impatient or I yell at my children, new garments sound wonderful! I'm thankful for that, as we spend time in God's Word and ask him for His help, we can see growth in our attitudes and thoughts.
Wow! Now if that isn't the Lord answering my prayers and speaking directly to me, I don't know what is! ;) I'm so thankful for forgiveness, redemption, and strength and joy in the morning.
Many blessings today!
